depression

Poem: A Love Far Away

The following poem was written a couple of years after I graduated from high school about my yearning of someone; but due to my extreme shyness and stupidity, she never really knew. The pain of my stupidity has grown and diminished over the years, but has recently peaked as it has been ten years since graduation and I have yet to be able to grow out of my shyness and immaturity.

 Anyway, the poem:

Seven years
my heart tears
my eyes break tears
my mind fears,
because I would not speak of my feelings

Six years ago
tight lips would not let go
my feet move so slow
words would not flow,
except for lies, because I feared humiliation

Five years a-past
love at-last
but had been surpassed,
by bundles of childish acts
felt heartbeats skipped

Four years from present
I resent,
lack of words and sense
words from I, "that's not what I meant!"
a sophomore who's a freshman

Three years vanish
my immatureness banish,
from all lavish
and I wish
that I had told her the truth

Year as a senior
my love is much more, for
her, but does not show no more,
than before
Graduation night was the last chance

Now far away
and the love feeling never swayed
she never quite knew, if my heart was in dismay

Not her fault, but mine
I committed a crime, convicted of lyin'
that time could not heal
not knowing how she feels
about me

'nother year has passed
I feel lonely alas,
wishin' that I would have been
aside as her king,
now I cry of tears
since my love disappeared.

Learning LaTeX and the Written Word

Yeah, it has been a while since I have posted an update on the site.

Recently, I decided to learn how to write documentation using the LaTeX typesetting system in order to avoid the hassles of word processing systems or dealing with minute styles and formatting. Instead, I get to focus on writing and structuring documents.

Even though I have not used LaTeX to typeset technical documents yet, I decided to use it to typeset a short, introspective story that I am writing about the enigma that has been my life. So far, LaTeX has been quite simple to use and has given me a chance to think more of what to write and remember (or not want to remember in some cases).

As far as the story, it is a long-term project which I will post portions and/or drafts regularly. The resultant story will be released under an appropriate Creative Commons license (I have yet to decide on which one to use).

More updates to follow.

Additions to List of Depressing Songs

Having been blue over the past several days, it gave me a chance to expand the list of depressing songs and why I find them depressing. The new additions include:

As well as a couple of songs by Barenaked Ladies.

Now that I have a Squeezebox in the living room, it is much easier to queue up depressing songs on-demand. At this point, I do not know if that is a blessing or a curse. (by the way, a brief review of the device is coming up in the next week or two.)

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