Just wanted to post up a short update to the list of depressing songs.

While listening through my collection of Dan Wilson and Semisonic albums and singles, the song "I Wish" from "All About Chemistry" hit me pretty hard. The following part of the song tends to make me feel like I'm imploding:

I wish I could turn into somebody far, far away
I wish I could make myself satisfactory in every way
I wish I could know whether you really know what you need
If I could only be somebody else
I wouldn't be myself
And maybe you'd want me

The other song comes from the first soundtrack from the new series of Doctor Who called "Madame de Pompadour". The instrumental plays very well towards the end of the episode in which the Doctor tries to return for the Madame, but she passed away between visits.

That's about it for now...

Over the past year or so, I have been immersing myself into the new Doctor Who series (starting with the Ninth Doctor) and one of the songs from the last episode of Series 2 puts me into a brooding mood: Doomsday.

For those that are catching up on Doctor Who and have not gotten to that episode yet, ignore the rest of this post as there is a spoiler.

The song is played when the Doctor loses Rose as she is being sucked into the Void (though caught by Peter from the parallel world). Every component of the song, including the haunting vocal and the bass line, puts me into a deep, depressing funk. The emotional impact of the Doctor losing Rose does have parallels to some parts of my life, which does not help with the song's impact on me.

Having been blue over the past several days, it gave me a chance to expand the list of depressing songs and why I find them depressing. The new additions include:

• Matchbox Twenty: Unwell and Bed of Lies
• Lifehouse: Everything

As well as a couple of songs by Barenaked Ladies.

Now that I have a Squeezebox in the living room, it is much easier to queue up depressing songs on-demand. At this point, I do not know if that is a blessing or a curse. (by the way, a brief review of the device is coming up in the next week or two.)

The combination of how the song builds up slowly to a very emotional climax towards the end of the song and how it reflects on how I felt about someone (again, being something that I didn't tell that person about and doing it again later to someone else) is why the song has such an impact on me.

It is a song that I really like listening to when I'm about to fall asleep, since it starts out quite slow and mellow, and causes my depression to build up more and more, until I just pop.

For me, one of the reasons that I get depressed is that I have had several chances to tell someone that I really liked them and would have asked if she wanted to be more than just friends... but never had the courage to do so, or immediately had thoughts that I would not be good enough or be able to hold up my side of a relationship.

The two parts of the song that really get to me are:

Don't wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over
Don't wanna be somewhere where I just don't belong
Where it's not enough just be sorry
Don't you know I feel the darkness closing in?

I tried to be more than me
And I gave until it all went away
And we're only surrendered
To the worst part of these winters that we've made

and

I am all that I'll ever be
When you lay your hands
Over me
But don't go weak on me, please
I know that it's weak
But God help me, I need this

This song really puts me into a deep and depressing mood when I listen to it. The reason why it hits me really hard is that I am not comfortable about myself when around other people, much less when I'm alone. I become quite uncomfortable when looking at people's faces and think that people are staring at me, even when the person is just looking at my general direction.

The following parts of the song do me in when listening to or reading the lyrics for the song:

Talking to myself in public
And dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me

Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind

(...)

Talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
They'll be taking me away

Of the many Barenaked Ladies songs that I really like, there are several that feels like someone has ripped out my heart each time that I listen to them.

Call And Answer

For me, the song makes me remember of things that I have done in the past to someone that I really liked but never had the chance to tell her. The way that song is sung is quite haunting and the final word repeating at the end, "Rebuild", just pounds on my chest each time it is sung.

War on Drugs

The second half of the song really causes me to crumble, even when just thinking about the lyrics, as it talks about people taking their lives by jumping off of a bridge. Also, the following block really causes me to break down:

They say that Jesus and mental health
Are just for those who can help themselves
But what good is that when you live hell on earth?

Thinking about the memories of the past is close to hell on earth for me.

What A Good Boy

My interpretation of the song is of parents that have a set of expectations for their child or children once they come to the world. What makes it depressing for me is that I always feel that I not only cannot meet what I consider to be decent level of expectation from society but also of others. The two set of lines that drills that in to me are:

We've got these chains that hang around our necks
People want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath

and:

I wake up scared, I wake up strange
I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change

Having been a fan of Semisonic for a while, when the lead singer, Dan Wilson, released a single and an EP, two of the songs that I would listen to at night when I'm depressed is "Come Home Angel" (previously available on Ballroom Sessions, but will be re-released on Free Life) and "I Can't Hold You" (previously available on "Sugar" e.p. and also available on For New Orleans).

For "Come Home Angel", the song's melody, the way that it is sung and the premise of the song would smooth me when I'm starting to feel depressed or allows me to sink into my shell even more.

"I Can't Hold You" hits all of the right buttons for me, from the song's opening to the harmony of the chorus, and the following chorus lyrics feels like I have been punched in the chest:

and now, I'm afraid / I can't hold you
and now, I'm afraid / I can't keep you

I just reminds me of the several times that I have felt strongly for someone but never had the nerve to go after them.

Both songs now have a greater affect on me after attending my ten-year high school reunion.

Of the groups or bands from the 1960's that I like, The Association is towards the top of my list primarily due to the fact that wrote and performed "Cherish" and "Never My Love". I find the overall lyrics and theme of the two songs quite depressing, mostly with the following sets of lyrics.

Cherish

Oh I'm beginning to think that man has never found
The words that could make you want me
That have the right amount of letters, just the right sound
That could make you hear, make you see
That you are drivin' me out of my mind

(...)

Cherish is the word I use to describe
All the feeling that I have hiding here for you inside
You don't know how many times I've wished that I had told you
You don't know how many times I've wished that I could hold you

Never My Love

You wonder if this heart of mine
Will lose its desire for you
Never my love, Never my love

(...)

You say you fear I'll change my mind
And I won't require you
Never my love, never my love

One of my favorite depressing songs is "Goodbye" by The Corrs, originally found on their album, "Borrowed Heaven".

There are several reasons why I find the song depressing and alluring. Even though the song is about the passing of someone near and dear (the subject of the song is the mother of the siblings Corrs), I find the tone, emotion and harmony to have the most effect on me.

The version of "Goodbye" that affects me the most is the live version found on their "All The Way Home: Live in Geneva" DVD. The emotion that is carried in that version and the haunting ending of the song while the members leave the stage for the encore really hits me hard.